Dodge the Highlighters

The other day I was in the car with my 17 year old son and I asked him if he had any good school stories to share. The week before he had told me of his heroics when a snake was discovered in the school lunchroom. The story went that his teacher had unsuccessfully attempted to capture it using two Styrofoam cups. When Charlie and two of his buddies heard about the situation, they raced from the gymnasium to get to the snake. Charlie got there first by jumping over a counter. He picked the snake up behind its head and waving it menacingly at his classmates took it outdoors.

It was only a harmless garter snake, but still - what a story. I could picture the whole episode in my head. With that in mind, Charlie began telling me about finding a knife that day. Not a butcher knife or switchblade, simply a table knife. But naturally, he didn't tell me that part right away, just like he didn't mention that the snake was a garter until after he got the effect of seeing my face react to the word snake.

Anyways, he told me this occurred during Dodge the Highlighters. Hmmm. When he said that, my mind got busy imagining a scene of unsupervised teenagers tossing neon colored pens at each other and ducking behind tables and chairs. In disbelief, I said, "Is that what you were supposed to be doing?" He said "Yes, that was our M period today." When I asked where was the teacher during Dodge the Highlighters, he said, "No, Mom. I said Adopt a Highway!" Oops. He had been outdoors participating in a service project to pick up trash along the roadway instead of having an out of control study hall session. We got a good laugh out of that hearing mistake and it gave me a story of my own to share.

That Sounds Gross

I was at a picnic recently and thought someone offered me mustard or bad eggs. Say what? It took me a couple seconds to realize that what was actually offered was mayonnaise.

Try saying them both without the consonants, "a ayz", and you can hear how similar they are. But quite different in appeal, ha ha.

Hilarious Hearing Mistake

I read this story today on Yahoo News. A mother ordered a graduation cake for her daughter with her photo on it. The clerk behind the bakery counter was rather busy and distracted. He looked at her strangely when she asked him to draw a cap on her head in the photo. When the mother returned to the bakery to pick up the cake, she saw that instead of a graduation cap, there was a cat drawn on her daughter's head. Oops! You can read the whole story and see a photo of the cake on this ABC news blog post.

My Fashion Conversation Faux Pas

I was at a party recently and a woman was describing an evening gown she bought for an upcoming event. I thought I was following along pretty well until I heard her say "air socks". Hmmm....Were air socks a new fashion trend I was unaware of? It seemed a little strange in the context of formal wear, though, so I asked her what she said by repeating "Air socks?" "Ersatz", she confirmed adding helpfully, "it's German." "Oh, you said e-r-s-a-t-z", I thought you said "a-i-r s-o-c-k-s". As you can imagine, that was the end of our fashion conversation.

Tonight I googled "ersatz" and discovered the word means "substituting for or inferior in quality to". I guess ersatz chiffon makes a lot more sense than air socks chiffon.

My LA Story - Part 3

I am all smiles at the Focus on People Awards luncheon.

Stig Seitzberg presents me with my award.

Jennifer & me

After the awards luncheon, my husband Rob and I took the Metro to Hollywood and Highland where the Hollywood Walk of Fame and Grauman's Chinese Theater are located. It was a hot day, in the 90s , with bright sunlight reflecting off the sidewalk which affected the quality of some of our photos. It was a busy, touristy location and we spent only about an hour there.

Grauman's Chinese Theater

Putting my hands inside Meryl Streep's handprints.

Rob measures his hands against the Arnold's handprints.

Kneeling next to Sandra Bullock's star
on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

Rob & Marilyn in front of Madame Tussaud's.

Back at the hotel later, Rob bragged that he saw Marilyn and she was "all over him". I chimed in dryly, "She was wax."

My funny hard of hearing moment came when I decided to pose for a photo with Elmo and Big Bird. As you can see from the picture Elmo had to explain something to me. When I stood next to him for the photo, he leaned in discreetly and said, "We work for a kiss." At least that's what I thought he said. It's never a good idea to try to whisper something to me! Thinking he was joking around with me, I sent an air kiss his way and Big Bird's. Then he said more clearly, "Lady, we work for tips." Oops, not quite the same thing. Rob gave each of them a dollar. Can you imagine how hot it was to wear those costumes in that weather?

After we got back to our hotel and freshened up, we joined the Oticon group for a backlot tour of Universal Studios. Highlights included seeing sets from Jurassic Park and Back to the Future, driving down Wisteria Lane from the Desperate Housewives TV show, watching a flash flood staged, and passing by a timeline made of  movie posters from Universal Studios films. 

The most exciting part of the tour was a 3D film which we viewed while seated in our tour tram cars wearing special glasses. Suddenly enormous dinosaurs appeared on both sides of us. They were fighting a battle against King Kong. At one point King Kong leaped from one side of the tram car to the other. As the dinosaurs hissed and spit at us, water was sprayed on us. It felt as though we were moving back and forth and at one point it appeared as if our tram car had tumbled over the side of a cliff. I held on for dear life! It was so realistic and scary and fun.

We walked the red carpet laid down in front of the
Globe Theater accompanied by a Joan Rivers impersonator.

Table decorations for our dinner inside the Globe Theater.

The entertainment for the night was this band accompanying Rat Pack
impersonators of  Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, and Sammy Davis Jr.

The Oticon motto as projected on the hotel's lobby wall.

Thanks once more to Oticon which made this wonderful experience possible. I have an appointment September 29 with my new audiologist who will fit me with the pair of hearing aids from Oticon. With fingers crossed, I'm hoping to hear better than I have for a long time.

Happy M-----s Day

When I arrived in the parking lot at work on Friday, a coworker called across to me. Because of the background noise present, I didn't catch what she said and asked her to repeat as I walked over to where she stood. "Are you a martyr?", she asked in her accented English. "Am I a martyr? I said in confusion. "Do you have children?" she clarified. Oh, am I a mother was what she had said. "Yes, I am." "Happy Mothers Day!" she told me sweetly.

Is This Ad Funny to You?

This ad premiered during the SuperBowl Sunday evening. I didn't find it funny at the time nor do I now several days later. In a way that's strange because I am the first to laugh at my own hearing mistakes. I think what bothered me most was the stereotype that it's the elderly who can't hear. Hey Chevrolet, this is my reality now, and I'm nowhere near ready to move into a retirement home.

What's your take on this ad?

Funny Mistakes While Listening to the Car Radio

I was driving in to work yesterday and listening to a Christian radio station. A female announcer began a promo for her talk show that would be on at noon. She said the question of the day was "What's the hottest thing in your purse, ladies?" I was puzzled by that choice of topic until she went on to explain that women tend to carry a lot of stuff around with them and sometimes there can be some pretty strange things inside their purses. Once she restated the idea using different words, the lightbulb went off - Aha! She had actually said, "What's the oddest thing?"

A few minutes later, a male radio host announced the subject that would be coming up next for discussion would be the Opposum's Creed. Huh? I had never heard of that! The context of its being a Christian station helped me realize he had actually said the Apostle's Creed. Chuckling to myself, I reached over and switched off the radio.

The Making of ....a Slight Mistake.

Linda, my very good friend from library school, shared this amusing story with me recently.

She was sitting at the reference desk when a teenager approached her and asked if the library had a book in its collection. She asked him what the title was and thought he responded with "The Making of the Lion King". She hadn't heard of the book before and the thought passed through her mind that it was rather strange that a young man was interested in a Disney children's film...but professional that she is, she went ahead and consulted the library catalog. She didn't find a listing for it.

She asked the young man again and repeated back what she had heard as the title. Apparently he was too polite to correct her. Fortunately for him at that moment her coworker came to take the next shift at the desk. He restated his request to her. Before leaving, Linda told her colleague she had been unable to find "The Making of the Lion King". Suppressing a giggle, her coworker told her the title he was looking for was "The Making of a Latin King." Oops.

Thanks, Linda for reminding me that sometimes even those with excellent hearing make mistakes and allowing me to share your story on my blog.

[For those unfamiliar with the Latin Kings, they are a gang in the United States. Just a bit different than an animated feature film.]

Blessing of the Animals or Cursing?

Today is the feast day for St. Francis. One of my church's annual events is a Blessing of the Animals at our outdoor altar. Ever since my family got Rusty, our beloved golden retriever, I've wanted to go. Today was the first time I actually made it to the service.

The baskets you see in the photo above were used to collect donations for a local humane society. We brought paper towels. Others brought pet food and disinfecting wipes.

In this photo Rusty waits patiently with my son for his turn to receive a blessing.

My church approaches this gathering with a good sense of humor. After the service was over, awards were presented for largest pet, smallest pet, pet who most looked like the minister, and pet who looked like its owner.

But the funniest moment of all was a hard of hearing mistake. Not by me, but someone else this time. A man turned to me wonderingly and asked "Do they call their dog, Damn?!" Just then the dog's youthful owner called out his name and perhaps it was the power of suggestion but sure enough it sounded like Damn. But then the man's wife poked him in the ribs and said, "His name is Sam!" I reassured the man his name was better. Heh. Surely all pet owners have referred to their animals that way at least once. It'd be pretty funny if a dog started responding to that for its name.


In this photo, Rusty socializes with some other dogs in front of the altar. Blessings to all animals today.

Oops, did I hear that?

My problem isn't saying the wrong thing. It's hearing the wrong thing and then repeating it back because I think it's funny. I've gotta learn to save these gems for an appreciative audience like those of you reading these words. At least I hope you think they're funny.

So, here's my latest lulu...

Yesterday I was working at the reference desk when a coworker who was going to be working the next shift complained to me about having off desk work she'd rather do instead. What she actually said was "I'd rather pull ERIC microfiche." But what I heard was "I'd rather pull hair off my feet." I gave her quite a look and then asked her to repeat herself. When I said, "Oh, you've got to hear what I thought you said," and then proceeded to tell her, it was her turn to give me the look.

Hey, it's not so bad working at the reference desk. I wouldn't pull my hair out over it anyways. That had me chuckling inside all afternoon.

How do you play THAT game?

My coworker Diane called me at the reference desk with an idea for an icebreaker activity for the online class we will be teaching this winter. An icebreaker activity helps students get to know each other at the beginning of a course. She said the game was called "Name that cowlick." Say what? How do you play that? I wondered briefly before asking her to repeat what she said. This time I got it right: Name that colleague. Tee hee. I think my version sounds like more fun.

Photos, Stories, and HOH Funnies from my Michigan Vacation

I just got back from a relaxing family vacation in Michigan. We stayed at my aunt and uncle's lakeside home which once belonged to my grandparents. They have totally remodeled the place from a cozy cottage to luxury living quarters. I was nostalgic for the familiar homeplace I remembered and at the same time impressed with all they had accomplished.


Once we had greeted my aunt and uncle, we headed right down to the beach. My first funny "oops" happened there when I heard my husband comment,"The lake looks deep enough to throw a cat in." Huh? I know my husband is no fan of cats due to his strong allergic reactions to them, but really, why would you measure a lake by a cat? When I asked what he meant by that, he repeated himself, "The lake looks deep enough to throw a cast in." This time he made a fishing motion. Ohhh. Fishing. Sure, I knew that. tee, hee.



I wanted to bring gifts with us to show my aunt and uncle how much we appreciated their letting us stay with them. I gave them a tote bag with a genealogy logo because they enjoy family history research and a jigsaw puzzle of Mackinac Island, a nearby tourist spot, which I thought they would enjoy working on with their grandchildren when they come to visit. Well, my son topped my gift ideas in a big way. When he heard that my uncle liked early sailing ships, he decided to build one for him out of balsa wood. He did it all on his own without a kit or a pattern and no help from his parents. My uncle was thrilled! He decided the two of them needed to build a display stand for the ship together while he was there.


Our first day with them they took us to church and then out to eat at a lovely restaurant at the Bay View Inn. The Bay View area is known for its Victorian houses that are open only in the summertime. After we returned to their house, they took us out in their pontoon boat. To my son's delight, my uncle asked him to steer the boat. First, we had to buy some gas for the boat. Would you believe it was $5.80 a gallon? The lake has only one place for fuel.

The next day my husband and son set out in the rowboat for a fishing adventure. Despite their attempts at several places around the lake, the only thing my son hooked was a willow tree when he cast too close to shore. *smile* Dad didn't catch any fish either. While they were gone, I enjoyed sleeping in and then going down to the beach for some reading and swimming. When they rowed back, I walked out to greet them as the water is shallow quite a ways out from the shore. We enjoyed a cookout and lively game of cards that evening with my aunt and uncle.

The following day, we spent some time in Petoskey. We looked in the shops, sampled some ice cream and fudge, and got in a round of miniature golf at a pirate themed mini golf course. Back at the cottage, my son and I went swimming in the lake and hunted for Petoskey stones. As a kid, I had never been up to the lake for a visit without finding one and sure enough, I found one for my son and then later he found an even larger one on his own. The tradition continues.

Our last full day there, we went to Mackinac Island. This was my son's first time there. I had been many times with my family as a kid and a couple of times with friends as an adult. I was really excited to show him the island. My aunt gave us passes for the ferry to the island. I think my son really enjoyed the boat ride there and seeing the Mackinac Bridge on the way. Our first stop on the island was the fort. We looked in all the buildings and then watched a humorous court martial reenactment on the lawn. After lunch, we rented bicycles and rode around the island. This was my favorite part.

Unfortunately for me the climb up the hill to the fort and the many stairs up to Arch Rock required me to use my inhaler twice. (I have exercise-induced asthma.) After we had returned our bicycles, we decided to do a little more exploring as there was a cave on the map that my husband wanted to see. Called Skull Cave, it certainly sounded intriguing. Unfortunately for me, it required a climb up the hill to the fort again and even more climbing beyond. Oooofff. I was just so winded. Old people were passing me by. I refused to use the inhaler a third time as I almost never use it regularly. We had to stop several times along the way for me to catch my breath. I was hoping this cave would be as spectacularly scary as it sounded. When we finally arrived, we discovered it was little more than a hole in the side of a hill. No skulls in sight. Not much of a cave. I instantly dubbed it "Numbskull Cave" because I felt like an idiot for putting myself through the climb when I could have remained in town and spent the time shopping. *smile* Once we returned to town my husband and son treated themselves to the island's famous fudge and I rewarded myself with a new necklace and earrings. All's well that end's well, right?

My other vacation HOH funny happened while I was on the cell phone with my mother. She was telling me that she and my dad had picked 6,000 blueberries. Immediately, I wondered, how do you know that, Mom? Did you count them individually? When I questioned her about what she had said, she restated that she had picked six pounds of blueberries. Ohhh, well that does make more sense. It was funny mentally picturing my mom counting the blueberries as she put them in her basket... 5,998...5,999...6,000...turning to my dad to say "I'm done now." hee, hee.

The next morning we found it hard to leave. We had enjoyed our time at the lake and getting to know my aunt and uncle better. But we were missing our dog too and we had to pick him up that afternoon from the place he boarded. Our drive home went smoothly and our dog was sure happy to see us again.

Say What?

One of the positive things that comes with hearing loss is always having some amusing stories to tell of what you thought you heard people say. Here are some of my classic errors:

Misheard at a sporting event:
An athlete's mother was proudly telling my friend and me that she had been promoted from a temporary cashier job to a permanent position because she is "fat and accurate". Huh? Inside my head I'm thinking - now this woman is a bit on the heavy side and I have heard about attempts to stop discrimination against fat people but something doesn't seem right here...fat and accurate...fat and accurate...Wait a minute, she must have said fast and accurate. Thank goodness I hadn't said anything though I bet I had a surprised look on my face when she made her announcement.


Misheard around the library lunch table:
A friend was telling an amusing story about a bird that got loose from its cage inside her mother’s home. She added dramatically that the bird landed in the “cat dish”. Hmm…haven’t heard of a cat dish…must be something like a dog bowl on the floor…why is everyone reacting to that…she didn’t say it got wet or anything…cat dish…cat dish…aha – cactus! Oh hey, ouch, that would hurt. Of course my friend had moved on with the story by the time I figured this out and interrupted to ask, “Did you say the bird landed in the cactus?” Lesson learned: don’t interrupt a good storyteller in midstream. It's better to get the real story later.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Comment from tutleymutley: Good story! My favourite mishearing (that I can recall, anyway!) was when a doctor said "Well, we'll just wait and see, then-" and I replied, "Her pee is absolutely fine". Blanks looks all round.

My reply: Yeah, those s sounds are hard to get. Good story.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Misheard at the library close to Halloween:
Yes, it's a spooky season with lots of eerie happenings. But really that's no excuse for what I misheard today at the reference desk. A woman came in and asked for a book about flesh. Ewww. I did a double take. She repeated it again, "flesh". In disbelief I started writing out the word on scratch paper to confirm with her what I was hearing. Fortunately, just before I got to the vowel, she added the enlightening comment, "It's about multimedia." Ohhh. Flash - as in the computer program. What a relief.

To paraphrase Art Linkletter, when you have a hearing loss, people say the darndest things.

A Rose By Any Other Name

Fall 2006

As mentioned before, I experienced hearing aid failure and was quite huffy about it. Here's a bit more of the story: The day I went to the audiologist and learned about ear wax, I actually had an earlier appointment with an otolaryngologist for a second opinion about my hearing loss and the hearing aids I was prescribed. I was that upset about my hearing aids failing.

Of course I had never been to this doctor before and was unfamiliar with his waiting room setup. I was also anxious about squeezing this appointment in before I went to the audiologist. When my name was called at the exact time of my appointment, I was impressed. The nurse called out my first name "Sarah" and remarked to me, "The doctor's going to see what the problem is" which sounded reassuring.

Then she led me in to the examining room which surprisingly looked exactly like my optometrist's. Hmmm, I thought to myself, maybe he has to share his office space because his is being remodeled... The nurse had left the room before I had a chance to ask.

Next thing I knew there was a small commotion in the hallway. Even though I didn't have my hearing aids on, I could discern someone saying, "You called my name." Uh oh. I went out to investigate. The nurse was there speaking with another woman and a doctor. I asked the nurse if she had said, "Sarah". "No, I said Vera," she replied. Oops. the doctor turned to me and said, "Are you here to see the hearing doctor?" I nodded. "Good!," he replied. Crushed, I returned to the waiting room hoping no one out there was aware of my faux pas.

Unfortunately, the otolaryngologist was running behind schedule and I never did get in to see him. I told the receptionist untruthfully that I would reschedule. Frankly, I couldn't wait to get out of there! Fortunately the audiologist fixed my problem that day and equilibrium was restored to my universe.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Comment by Cindy of Beethoven's Ears: "I'm always afraid something like this will happen to me, too. Anytime I have an appointment, I stress that I'm hard of hearing to the receptionist - sometimes people that overhear my conversation with the receptionist will let me know when it's my turn."

My reply: "That's very kind of them. I'm thinking that from now on when I sign in at the doctor's office, I'm going to ask the receptionist to put a Post-it note with "hard of hearing" on my chart."