Dodge the Highlighters

The other day I was in the car with my 17 year old son and I asked him if he had any good school stories to share. The week before he had told me of his heroics when a snake was discovered in the school lunchroom. The story went that his teacher had unsuccessfully attempted to capture it using two Styrofoam cups. When Charlie and two of his buddies heard about the situation, they raced from the gymnasium to get to the snake. Charlie got there first by jumping over a counter. He picked the snake up behind its head and waving it menacingly at his classmates took it outdoors.

It was only a harmless garter snake, but still - what a story. I could picture the whole episode in my head. With that in mind, Charlie began telling me about finding a knife that day. Not a butcher knife or switchblade, simply a table knife. But naturally, he didn't tell me that part right away, just like he didn't mention that the snake was a garter until after he got the effect of seeing my face react to the word snake.

Anyways, he told me this occurred during Dodge the Highlighters. Hmmm. When he said that, my mind got busy imagining a scene of unsupervised teenagers tossing neon colored pens at each other and ducking behind tables and chairs. In disbelief, I said, "Is that what you were supposed to be doing?" He said "Yes, that was our M period today." When I asked where was the teacher during Dodge the Highlighters, he said, "No, Mom. I said Adopt a Highway!" Oops. He had been outdoors participating in a service project to pick up trash along the roadway instead of having an out of control study hall session. We got a good laugh out of that hearing mistake and it gave me a story of my own to share.

You Might Be an Audiologist If ...

I was asked by ReSound if I would be willing to share this post of theirs with my readers. I found it amusing and said yes right away. I hope you will enjoy this lighter moment with me today. You may want to pass it along to your hearing care professional and make their day too.

You Might Be an Audiologist If ...

• Every time you tell someone your profession, they say “huh?” or “what?”
• You have a random copy of hearing aid software in the trunk of your car.
• You have alcohol swabs hidden in every pencil case and otoscope bag you own.
• Ears are the first thing you look at on a person.
• You cringe when someone mentions using Q-tips in their ears.
• When you’re drunk and feel like the world is spinning, you grab someone and ask them to look at your eyes to see if you have nystagmus*.
• You bust out your sound level meter app….. in church.
• You have ever used the term “externship”*.
• People ask you if you’ve seen the light on the other side
• You’re not grossed out by cerumen*.
• You have an urge to push an elderly person’s earmolds in properly when you’re standing behind them at the supermarket checkout.
• In public places, you try guessing what kind of BTE a person is wearing like you’re on a game show.
• You have a pair of ety plugs* on your keychain.
• You look at what type of earphones people are using at the gym as they walk by you.

*Not being an audiologist myself, I needed to look up a few of these terms. Here are explanations for
Nystagamus
Externships
Cerumen means earwax.
Ety plugs are earplugs.


Here are some more responses from ReSound's Facebook community shared with me via email:

• You find battery stickers all over everything you own, and especially on the bottom of your shoes and in your hair.
• You give your card to the guy in the car next to you with his speakers blasting and tell him to call you in a few years.
• You can't help but look at other people's ears in a crowd to see what types of hearing aids you can identify from a distance.
• You find yourself talking loudly for no reason.

Did you enjoy that? Can anyone come up with some answers for You Might Be Hard of Hearing If...

Funny Text Message

My husband sent me this text today:
I hope you didn't like the shoes that were up on the table in the Florida room.

Oops, I had put them up on the table (not a table for eating I want to make clear) to keep them out of my puppy Blondie's reach. Ha! She got into them anyways.

The Crime Scene

The Accused

Christmas in July

I visited my favorite public library the other day to return some books. I noticed one of the library staff speaking to me from across the way, but I couldn't make out what she was saying. I walked over to her and rather unexpectedly, she said "I thought Santa had come in." I looked at her blankly. She saw my puzzlement and added, "because of all the jingling." I looked down at the key ring dangling in my hand and mumbled, "I'm hard of hearing and didn't realize..." I wanted to drop through the floor from embarrassment. The library lady shrugged it off and said it was a nice sound.

Have you ever been caught in a similar embarrassing situation because you could not hear a sound? If so, please share in the comments. I promise not to laugh (ho, ho, ho).

My Fashion Conversation Faux Pas

I was at a party recently and a woman was describing an evening gown she bought for an upcoming event. I thought I was following along pretty well until I heard her say "air socks". Hmmm....Were air socks a new fashion trend I was unaware of? It seemed a little strange in the context of formal wear, though, so I asked her what she said by repeating "Air socks?" "Ersatz", she confirmed adding helpfully, "it's German." "Oh, you said e-r-s-a-t-z", I thought you said "a-i-r s-o-c-k-s". As you can imagine, that was the end of our fashion conversation.

Tonight I googled "ersatz" and discovered the word means "substituting for or inferior in quality to". I guess ersatz chiffon makes a lot more sense than air socks chiffon.

Sweetest Dog Ever

Sweetest Dog Ever

Rusty - after getting into a pound of brown sugar
that was left on the table.  Look at that guilty face!
My husband came home and caught him in the act.
He even had pieces of the plastic wrapping stuck
in his fur. Incredibly, he wasn't sick afterwards.

Gotcha, Mom

I don't usually think of my son as a CODA (child of deaf adult) , but we had two moments recently that were rather CODAlike if you will. The first one happened at the public library. I went there to pick up my son. He was sitting in a comfy reading area in a far corner with his nose in a book while waiting for me. When we got in the car, he told me that he could hear me as soon as I came in the room. "How?" I demanded. "You were jangling your keys," he replied. Oops.
Another time we were riding in the car and the song "Staying Alive" by the BeeGees came on the radio. My son had never heard it before. Well, at least not sung by them. His only previous exposure was my annoying habit of singing triumphantly, "ah, ah, ah, ah, STAYING ALIVE" when I managed to make it safely past his hotels while broke in a Monopoly game. Listening to the song with him, I realized that "staying alive" were the only two words I knew of the song. Then, I made the mistake of telling him that. He said with a deadpan look, "Really, Mom. Did you know this song is about a guy on the run from the cops?" "No!," I said in surprise thinking back to John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever. Hmmm, I didn't remember that from the movie....He interrupted my thoughts with a decisive, "Gotcha, Mom!"
Maybe there should be a new acronym. POHC - Parent of a Hearing Child. I think I may need to start a support group....

Happy M-----s Day

When I arrived in the parking lot at work on Friday, a coworker called across to me. Because of the background noise present, I didn't catch what she said and asked her to repeat as I walked over to where she stood. "Are you a martyr?", she asked in her accented English. "Am I a martyr? I said in confusion. "Do you have children?" she clarified. Oh, am I a mother was what she had said. "Yes, I am." "Happy Mothers Day!" she told me sweetly.

Is This Ad Funny to You?

This ad premiered during the SuperBowl Sunday evening. I didn't find it funny at the time nor do I now several days later. In a way that's strange because I am the first to laugh at my own hearing mistakes. I think what bothered me most was the stereotype that it's the elderly who can't hear. Hey Chevrolet, this is my reality now, and I'm nowhere near ready to move into a retirement home.

What's your take on this ad?

Ok, Everybody, Let's Lighten Up this Year

This video just cracks me up. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do. Here's hoping we all can find some silly joy this year to equal the delight of this laughing child!

[Note for my deaf friends: there is no dialog to this video other than the uproarious laughter of the baby interacting with the playful pup.]

A Real Man

A Real Man

A real man is a woman's best friend. He will
never stand her up and never let her down.
He will reassure her when she feels insecure
and comfort her after a bad day.

He will inspire her to do things she never
thought she could do; to live without fear
and forget regret. He will enable her to
express her deepest emotions and give in to
her most intimate desires. He will make sure
she always feels as though she's the most
beautiful woman in the room and will enable
her to be the most confident, sexy,
seductive, and invincible.

No wait... sorry... I'm thinking of wine.
It's wine that does all that.......
Never mind.

This gem came to me in my email today and I couldn't resist passing it on. If any readers want to share their idea of a real man, or if any men want to respond, please leave a comment.

I Thought My Cell Phone Was Possessed

I have a touch screen cell phone and have accidentally called people without knowing it. Oops. But today was a first. My cell phone actually sent out a text message while sitting on the floor of my car!

The lucky recipient got the cryptic note "gtg". Hmmm could my phone have meant "got to go". It seems plausible enough in the acronym language of texting.

Of course, this message wasn't sent to a good friend or family member who might actually get a laugh out of it. It was sent to a baseball coach my son wants to play for this fall. Someone I've only dialed intentionally once.

But that was enough for him to get pocket dialed the next day and to receive this strange message today. According to Wikipedia, pocket dialing is often triggered by numbers retained in cell phone recently dialed lists. The solution is to make sure your phone is "locked" before you put it in your purse or pocket.

I hope that coach doesn't think I'm crazy. I was starting to worry that my phone was possessed until I found this out on the internet. Has anything like this happened to you?

Breakfast at Ginger's

This video tickled my funnybone. I just had to share it. Hope it brightens your day!

Let's Ask Mr. Dyson

I was quite amused today to read this article online today: How would you solve a problem like Eyjafjallajokull? I've always liked that song from the Sound of Music and applying it to my current obsession, the infamous Iceland volcano, while admittedly a mouthful, is catchy.

For quite some time now, I've thought the solution to the problem was pretty obvious. Call in Mr. Dyson, of course. For those of you who don't know the name, he's the engineering genius who created a line of vacuum cleaners known for their suction. You can read more about him here.

Surely, he would be up for the challenge of creating a volcano capacity vacuum with a super absorbent ash filter. In the article I mentioned before, someone suggested we ordinary folks get out in force with our standard vacuums, but I think that idea falls short. An ash cloud of this magnitude requires an expert, don't you agree?

Happy Mother's Day!

The stork "delivers" me. Ha, ha.

Warning: Easter Can Be Hazardous to Hearing Health

One-eared chocolate bunnies (3769) [crop]
Originally uploaded by jdunlevy

Easter can be hazardous to hearing health....if you're a chocolate bunny. This fellow has just joined the ranks of the hard of hearing, ha, ha.

If you're laughing, you can thank Jonathan who put this idea into my head.

Have a happy holiday, everyone!

Funny Mistakes While Listening to the Car Radio

I was driving in to work yesterday and listening to a Christian radio station. A female announcer began a promo for her talk show that would be on at noon. She said the question of the day was "What's the hottest thing in your purse, ladies?" I was puzzled by that choice of topic until she went on to explain that women tend to carry a lot of stuff around with them and sometimes there can be some pretty strange things inside their purses. Once she restated the idea using different words, the lightbulb went off - Aha! She had actually said, "What's the oddest thing?"

A few minutes later, a male radio host announced the subject that would be coming up next for discussion would be the Opposum's Creed. Huh? I had never heard of that! The context of its being a Christian station helped me realize he had actually said the Apostle's Creed. Chuckling to myself, I reached over and switched off the radio.

Must Have Been Quite a Happy Hour

When you come into the office and see the clock tipsy looking like this, it kinda makes you wonder what happened after work last night. Too much happy hour perhaps?

I Couldn't Have Said It Better

I'm not much of a football fan as you can tell. I've approached Super Bowl Sunday different ways in the past. One year I opted out completely by watching chick flicks in the basement while my husband and son watched upstairs. Once I attended a Super Bowl party but was bored out of my mind. Other years I've tried following the action alongside my family in the living room but I've never yet managed to endure, I mean watch of course, cough cough the whole game.

My best Super Bowl TV viewing experience ever was when the Chicago Bears faced the New England Patriots in 1986. I happened to be in London on a school trip and watched the game in the TV lounge of my hotel. It was really amusing to hear the British commentator explain the football action. He seemed to understand the game about as well as I do. There also seemed to be an underlying bias against the New England Patriots. Hmmm, couldn't have anything to do with their team's name or that little war a couple hundred years ago...Surely not. But best of all the Bears won.

This year I will once again try to be in the same room with my son and husband as they watch. I'm arming myself with a cross-stitch project and will probably venture online if I get too restless. What will you be doing for the Big Game?

Humor at Work

Scissors and Stapler
Originally uploaded by BillMurray

My coworker was delighted to find her stapler today and said out loud, "There you are! I haven't seen you in six weeks!" I called back to her, "I thought it might have run off with my lost scissors."