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Last night's episode of SuperNanny featured deaf parents with hearing children receiving help. Upon arriving at Dorothy and Kip Baulisch's home, SuperNanny Jo Frost was shocked that the younger children ages 5, 7, and 8 were not learning ASL and had very poor communication with their parents. Bridging the gap was the oldest daughter, Melissa, who could sign well and at eighteen years of age exert some influence on her younger siblings.
SuperNanny in her parenting training set up rules and bedtime rituals as she does for every family she assists. She talked firmly with Dorothy and Kip about their need to take charge of the parenting and not rely on Melissa so much. I really liked how she saw their potential to be great parents! She smartly suggested Dorothy and Kip make learning ASL a game for the kids so they would enjoy learning and interacting with them. This worked really well for the Baulisch family as the girls liked competing with each other and receiving positive attention from mom and dad at the same time. Another idea I agreed with was having the parents read bedtime stories to the girls to help them calm down and to use ASL to tell the story.
In my own family, I've received some strong resistance to learning ASL. I've been told I'm not "deaf enough" and that when I really need it, then they'll learn. I wondered if perhaps SuperNanny's game technique might work for us. This morning, we tried a little competition with my ASL book. First, I demonstrated ten signs to my husband and son, explaining how they were formed and any mnemonic hints. Then it was quiz time. My son ruled! Next he took a turn with my book. Of course he turned to the back of the book where I haven't learned the signs yet. That seemed fair to me as long as he was careful to make the signs correctly. So my husband and I faced off. We tied. Next my husband took a turn. He was less comfortable forming the signs [he hasn't learned the ASL alphabet yet] and was fast losing interest in the game. For a first attempt, it wasn't too bad. My son enjoyed it and I kept the book handy so it will be ready for another round.
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Sorry you've received resistance to learning ASL in your family, but nice that you made a little game of it and didn't give up. The "needing" ASL is a somewhat subjective measure and may not be that helpful to think of it that way. It's OK to learn or use ASL because you want to, because it helps, and because it adds to communication. Even if your family does not become fluent, the attention to signing will keep them "aware" of you, mean they are working (just as you are) at the communication effort, and, if they continue to speak while they are signing, it will slow their speech down enough that you will have more time for all that lovely HOH guesswork ;)
Just thought I'd comment on the "need" remark. My family didn't learn ASL, maybe because I didn't "need" it. But I was working harder, missing things, and feeling frustrated at times. Did I need ASL? I don't know. Would it have helped? I think so. So I'm always sensitive to language like "need ASL," "rely on ASL," or "resort to ASL." It doesn't have to be viewed as failure of other efforts.
I have to agree with methree. My husband has also said if I really "needed" it he'd learn it, but I actually DO really "NEED" it and he still shows no interest. Further I think HE might NEED it too, since he's also losing his hearing. I have tried games, then given up. I have tried almost everything. Now he claims he just isn't good at ASL. And it's true he doesn't retain it as well, but partially it's because he isn't that interested and he doesn't practice. I'm sorry to make this a rant session against my husband. It's just that when I read what you said I realized I've heard that before.
It's frustrating because for over thirty years I've been losing my hearing. It has dipped into a profound loss. I've realized that my family will never come to the conclusion that I "need" ASL, because I can still talk. As long as THEY can understand ME there's no communication problem at their end. So unless I give up talking completely, they won't learn to sign.
When I first met my signing partner, she had 3 kids, only one signed and the other two still don't years later,what they do, is just basic yes and no stuff. They are now adults with children of their own and still don't sign well to their mother.
I was always struck by the conundrum of deaf people who used to write in and say 'all my kids can sign too' this is far from the norm. Many children of deaf adults simply don't bother to learn sign, or, at adulthood stop, some is down to the deaf parent utilising hearing relatives who then tend to 'take over' the communication for their kids, this drives a wall up straight away, and deaf people have to try a lot harder..
I think the reality for many deaf parents is the fact their kids don't sign, and in some cases kids simply won't, because of the 'stigma' of sign reflecting on them. I have to translate my partners conversations into speech for two of her children even now.
I recall her two youngest refusing to allow their mother to go to the school to see what they were doing, because they didn't want their friends to see her signing, they used to tell her not to sign outdoors shopping too, or wouldn't go with her. They had teasing from friends and this seriously affected them.
Other than that they love their mum !
Hi methree,
Thank you for your excellent comment. I see what you mean about the words "need ASL". It is completely subjective.
My family probably thinks I'm trying to turn us into ASL users overnight when that is not my intention. I would like to incorporate signs into our communication gradually at a very basic level. With my son, it has proven useful to sign "stop it" rather than correct him orally in front of his friends. :)
Thanks again for your input.
Sarah
Kim,
You are so right! Would you believe that in frustration once I stopped talking for a few hours and would only sign, fingerspell, or mime what I was trying to say? Yeah, that didn't go so well either.
Another reason I'd like my family to join me in learning ASL is I'm hoping to have more contacts in the deaf and hard of hearing community through the support group I've met. Knowing some ASL is going to make all three of us more comfortable when meeting new people.
Kim, you are so right when you say that the communication problem is all on my end because I can speak clearly. Somehow I've got to get through to them how much easier it is to "watch" words rather than hear them. If anyone has a success story with this, I hope they'll share it with us!
Sarah
P.S. Thanks for the rant! It was just what I needed to read.
Hi mm,
Thanks for stopping by my blog and leaving such an insightful comment. I did not know that before that many deaf parents have hearing children who won't sign. Kids definitely have a hard time from their peers if they are perceived as different in any way.
Last weekend, I corrected my son when he didn't face his coach when he was replying to him. He told the coach, "My mom doesn't get this because she is deaf." It is hard for me to understand that others can hear you when you speak to them without looking directly at them. (But it's still good manners isn't it?) I was amazed that he was able to be so open about my hearing loss.
Anyways, that's why I think the SuperNanny show did some good showing how important it is for children to sign with their parents. Thanks for pointing out that this show wasn't an isolated case but is the reality for other deaf parents.
Seems rather a puzzle a HEARING nanny had to point this out.... that a family has to have effective communications. I think the main issue was some deaf literally handing over the communication to hearing relatives in many cases.
This then leads to situations where a child may want or need advice, and will then feel "No use asking Mom she can't communicate.... they won't understand." and sadly deaf parents AGREEING with that via 'horse for courses'.
hearing children make demands on deaf adults many have issues with, they have issues with hearing adults let alone hearing children. HOW deaf approach that is crucial. In part the deaf HAVE to involve themselves in stressful hearing-speaking situations whether they want to or not, because the result of not doing that, is to islolate your kids from YOU. Kids are immediately judgemental of parents as we know !
I Often feel some deaf parents opt out too quickly in the communication stakes. I can't hear/speak, so let hearing do this for my child, deaf HAVE to involve themselves like it or not, because the price of not doing so, is too high. teaching them sign isn't enough, it helps YOU, it does not help THEM outside, because many deaf are still not taking that extra step to go out into the hearing world with them.
We brought our children into this world, we owe them them. choice doesn't come into it... If a child can see you showing willing, than that encourages them to have more faith in you... defa need to be more 'hearing savvy' too, and not restrict themselves to defa things, then at least they cna KLNOW whathe child is talking about.
It's communication, and it doesn't start and end in the deaf world.
Wow, mm. That's quite a reply. I think it would be more appropriate for my deaf readers to respond than me. As communication becomes more difficult for me as my hearing loss progresses, I will keep your advice in mind, and try not to shortchange my child and myself. Thanks for responding, mm.
Hi!
Thanks for reading my blog! When my son was younger, my son was concerned about being "different" from the other kids at school, so I volunteered to teach every kid in the school sign language after school. I did this for 2 years. Each class averaged about 5 kids. It was fun. My son joined my class the first year. He enjoyed it. He didn't feel so different then. It was fun to teach K-5 students American Sign Language. It was a challenge, because of the age range. Not everyone liked the same games, etc. But I did what I could to bridge the gap between deaf and hearing.
Wow, roselil! I am really impressed by your proactive approach. Way to go!
Sarah
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