When a Sense Fails It's No Sense of Failure

Last Saturday my mother-in-law celebrated her 94th birthday. To mark the occasion, my husband, son, and I went to see her at her nursing home. She was feeling fine so we took her out for a birthday lunch. At 94 years of age, this is not an easy thing to accomplish, but with the help of her walker, her wheelchair, my husband's supportive arms, and given all the time she needed to manuever, she managed quite nicely.
We went to a nearby restaurant that she had been to many times before with us and with other family members. What we had forgotten was how dimly lit this place is even at lunchtime. It was a problem because my mother-in-law is losing her vision. It's been a long time since she was able to read and now even discerning the outlines of objects around her is becoming difficult. I was startled on a previous visit when she was unable to tell if it was me or my husband who was standing next to her until I spoke. Fortunately for her, she still retains good hearing, and I think she relies on that more than we know to decipher the world around her.
A darkened restaurant out of her normal surroundings proved to be rather confusing for her. When she asked us about the dog sitting on a nearby table, I knew she was struggling. I felt so empathetic. I know what it's like to try and pull meaning out of something that doesn't seem right and to come up with the wrong conclusion. There wasn't a dog on the table. In fact, we never did figure out what she was looking at that seemed doglike. Without my own experience with a diminished sense, I would have been sure that she was becoming mentally unsound. Yes, her memories have gotten a bit mixed up and sometimes my husband is her son and other times he's her brother. But in this case, I think there was something else going on.
We rely on our senses to provide us with the cues that help us understand our surroundings. When one of those senses fails, our brain tries to fill in the gaps but isn't always successful. When we're placed in a challenging situation (think a noisy crowded party for those of us with hearing loss), we're bound to make a few mistakes. As long as we're with people who love us, it will be okay. The important thing that is that we're together and we're celebrating life.

Summer in My Garden

Originally posted June 9, 2008

I was inspired by DebAnn's Summer Song and LaRonda's Spreading Some Heartshine to share with you some lovely photos of summer in my garden.


These irises are my "legacy" flowers. They were given to me by my Uncle Henry out of my late grandmother's garden. The one on top is a bluish-white and the one on the bottom is a yellow iris. They are so fragile and last only a brief time.

Once the irises are gone, it's time for the peonies to take the stage. These flowers were here when we bought our house. We've been able to divide them twice and transplant them to other areas of our yard. What's interesting about the peonies is that they come out in tight buds which are opened by ants. The ants climb over the buds for a few days before they blossom. These peonies are a light pink and have a delicate fragrance.


These photos show the gate on the side of our garage that leads to the backyard. Aren't these lovely hanging baskets? They feature petunias which like to be in a sunny spot. An annual, petunias will continue to bloom all summer if they are watered and given plant food.


This is my new glider swing, just purchased two weeks ago. Where it stands now, we used to have my son's swingset. Now that he's outgrown it, I was pleased to pass it on to a friend with young children and replace it with this grownup swing.Wouldn't you just love to sit here with me and have a glass of lemonade? If you did, this is what you'd see from the glider. Our backyard water garden. It has a waterfall down the slope on the right. My husband envisioned this and built it himself six years ago.

Who knew then, that we'd be acquiring a water dog who considers that pond to be his personal swimming hole. No photo essay of my garden would be complete without a photo of my faithful companion, Rusty. Totally content to lie in the shade by the hour while I weed. An occasional stick to gnaw on is all he requires. Rusty is a golden retriever, the reddish gold kind. He's lived with us for three years this summer. Hope you enjoyed this look at summertime in my garden. I'll update it as the summer progresses.

Update: View the slide show to see more photos of the garden as the summer has progressed.

Created with Admarket's flickrSLiDR.

Should I Say Something Or Let the Opportunity Pass By?

Recently I had two conversations with strangers about hearing loss. Both took place at work and in each instance I wondered if it was appropriate to broach the subject.

Right outside the library's technical services department is an elevator being repaired. At various times throughout the day a loud drilling sound can be heard. Behind closed doors and at quite a distance from it I am still aware of the sound. I wondered what it would be like to be the one doing the drilling in such an enclosed space. One afternoon I passed the elevator repairman and asked him, "Do you wear ear protection?" At first I think he thought I was joking. After I explained that I had a hearing loss and he could see I was serious, he replied that he did not because he hadn't considered the noise to be that loud. After some more thought, he told me that his mother was hard of hearing and that perhaps he ought to be more careful with his hearing. I walked away thinking possibly my question had done some good.

The next day in the university cafeteria I noticed someone new at the cashier's station. A middle-aged man with plastic tubes in his ears. Hmmm. I wondered if they were attached to BTEs like the ones I wear. I always have trouble hearing in the noisy serving area and I wondered if this was a problem for him too. When it was my turn to pay, I asked him, if he had BTEs like the ones I wear, lifting my hair so he could see them clearly. "Yes," he replied. He went on to say that he had no difficulty hearing in the cafeteria and that he enjoyed wearing hearing aids. He was amazed at all the sounds he could now hear that he had missed without realizing it. One example he mentioned was being able to hear his dog panting. We got rather involved in our conversation and the person behind me in line moved to another cashier. Oops. My only excuse is that it was wonderful meeting someone else in the same situation.

Usually the only people I spot wearing hearing aids are elderly. Occasionally I have considered talking to them about hearing aids and hearing loss but have always decided against it. When I'm at a stoplight and another driver pulls up with a car stereo blaring away, I often think of saying something about how noise affects hearing. I'm not the only one as Cindy explains in this story.

When is it okay to discuss hearing loss and/or hearing aids with a stranger? Is it better to let the opportunity pass by out of politeness or is it worth the risk of embarrassment if you can perhaps educate someone or make a new friend?

A Search Engine for Questions on Hearing Loss

Originally posted: October 30, 2007
Do you "Rollyo"? For the uninitiated, Rollyo (www.rollyo.com) is a website that allows users to create their own mini search engines. If your subject's a popular one, you won't have to recreate the wheel, you can simply use the search rolls of others.
I was curious to see if anyone had put anything together for the topic of hearing loss. Well, there was nada. So into the breach I went and today I created my very first search engine. This "search roll", as Rollyo calls it, is comprised of trusted websites related to hearing loss.
Go ahead and give it a try. You can search hearing loss, hearing aids, tinnitus, Meniere's Disease, etc. The search will be limited to only the sites I've included so you won't end up with the billions of search results you would get from Google.
You can find the search roll either in the sidebar of my blog or at www.rollyo.com (click on Explore and type Your Hearing in the search box).
If you know of any good sites I've overlooked, please email me at speakuplibrarian@yahoo.com so I can add them. Please note Rollyo adds sponsored links and other advertising content, I can't control.

Strange but True

Originally posted on October 23, 2007.
It finally happened. Ever since the day the library's emergency exit door alarm went off and I couldn't hear it to turn it off, I've wondered what would happen if an alarm sounded on my shift again. It happened but it turned out different than I ever imagined.

I was alone at the reference desk when I became aware of a mechanical voice saying "elevators". I listened closer. This time I made out the phrase "do not use elevators". Hmmm. Just outside the library's entrance one of the university's elevators was under construction to the accompaniment of loud drilling. Did the elevator repairmen set off an alarm? I went to check with the circulation staff as their desk is located closest to the entrance. They said they hadn't heard an alarm message and to check with the director. I went to the director's office area. I found her standing next to the photocopier with a large stack of papers going through the feeder. She hadn't heard anything either. Strange. I returned to the reference area and could hear the entire message this time - an alarm was sounding and the building needed to be evacuated! I started informing the patrons at the computer terminals that they needed to leave. None of them had registered an alarm. One patron said she had thought the sound was just someone's cellphone ringing (which isn't too far off base not counting the message part of course). By this time staff members and patrons from other parts of the library were filing out to the front door. Having verified the alarm, the director came to help me get the stragglers in the reference area to leave. There was still one woman gathering up her belongings when patrons and staff members returned with the all clear message.

Fortunately, it was not a real emergency but only a false alarm. I never found out if it was caused by the elevator repair crew or not. Most important, I can sleep at night knowing the library is safe with me on duty. I would never have imagined that I as SpeakUp Librarian would be the only one to be aware of the alarm. Real life- it really is stranger than fiction.

In and Out

I have a love/hate relationship with my hearing aids. I love that some days I feel as though I could “pass” for hearing. On those lucky days, I blithely manage conversations with store clerks and other strangers. I don’t make any obvious blunders and I don’t betray myself with a puzzled expression on my face. On those occasions, my little coping strategies help me make it through the day smoothly.

Then there are the days of pure hate for the blasted things. Days when no matter how much I spent on them, they don’t magically make me into the hearing person I long to be. Days when it seems as if everyone around me is speaking in hushed tones rather than normal volume. Days when someone tells a long, complicated story that I can’t follow and I feel stupid and slow. Days of unexpected turns of phrase or unfamiliar word combinations.

Other times, I just honestly hate how much louder everything around me is with hearing aids. As my audiologist said, I like it quiet. What bliss it is to take them out and relax in the “muffled” quality of my natural hearing. Choosing not to “hear” for awhile and allowing myself to tune out for a needed break.

The movie Read My Lips illustrates this beautifully. Carla, a secretary, who is hearing impaired and an excellent lip reader, wears hearing aid to cope with the demands of the office, particularly the telephone. On her coffee break, she removes her hearing aids ---ahhh--- a true break from the clamor.

Book Review: Talk, Talk

I just finished reading Talk, Talk by T.C. Boyle. This book is a thriller that explores the question of what someone might do if their identity were stolen. Dana is a deaf teacher who finds herself pulled over by a police officer when she rolls past a stop sign on her way to the dentist. A bad situation becomes a nightmare when the officer arrests her and takes her to jail. With the help of a translater she learns she has been charged for crimes she never committed. Once the mistaken identity is cleared up, she is released from prison but finds she can't let her anger go. She can't leave it up to the police to apprehend the thief and bring him to justice. She must go after the man who has caused her so much trouble. How far will she go and what price is she willing to pay for revenge?

Dana is not alone in her quest. Her hearing boyfriend, Bridger, is literally along for the ride as Dana chases the thief from California to New York. Their relationship faces difficult odds as most deaf/hearing couples don't make it. Will this trial bring them closer or tear them apart?

Talk Talk spoke to so many fears of mine like vulnerability, identity theft, communication struggles, and relationship worries that I was compelled to turn the pages and find out what happens to Dana and Bridger even as I bit my own nails in empathy.